What's Stopping Me?

Live Like you Were Dyin' - Tim McGraw
$.99





He said "I was in my early forties

with a lot of life before me

when a moment came that stopped me on a dime..

I spent most of the next days

lookin' at the x-rays,

Talkin' 'bout the options,

and talkin' 'bout sweet times.."

I asked him "When it sank in

that this might really be the real end,

how's it hit you when you get that kinda news

man what'd you do?"


And he said..

"I went sky divin'!!

I went Rocky Mountain climbin'!

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.

and I loved deeper!!

and I spoke sweeter!

and I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'!!!"

and he said "Someday I hope you get the chance

to live like you were dyin'!"


He said "I was finally the husband

that most the time I wasn't.

and I became a friend a friend would like to have..

and all the sudden going fishin'

wasn't such an imposition.

and I went three times that year I lost my dad!

well I finally read the good book.

and I took a good long hard look,

at what I'd do if I could do it all again..


and then..

I went sky divin'!!

I went Rocky Mountain climbin'!

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.

and I loved deeper!!

and I spoke sweeter!

and I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'!!!"

and he said "Someday I hope you get the chance

to live like you were dyin'!"


Like tomorrow was a gift

and you got eternity to think about

what you'd do with it?

what did you do with it?

what did I do with it?

what would I do with it?


Sky divin'!!

I went Rocky Mountain climbin'!

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu!

then I loved deeper!!

and I spoke sweeter!

and I watched an eagle as it was flyin'!!!!!!!

and he said "Someday I hope you get the chance

to live like you were dyin'!!!

To live like you were dyin'!!!!

To live like you were dyin'!!!!!

To live like you were dyin'!!!!!!

To live like you were dyin'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Doesn't it all sound so sweet? Gosh, I wish I could be doing all of those things right now. But wait...whats stopping me? Seriously, why can't I be doing all of those things that sound so amazing? Truth is, when I step back and think about it, I'm ashamed to see why I haven't. Basically...I'm too lazy. I know that i want those things, but I don't go take them.

Everyday, and many many many times EACH day i remind myself that I could have said that nicer, or I could have helped my mom out more, or I could have responded quicker to my mom calling me instead of being irritated at having to stop what I was doing. EVERY DAY I tell myself that I want all of those things, so why don't I have them?...

"Carpe Diem." "Grab life by the horns!" I hear these phrases and I smile and feel good inside, but I don't fulfill the ideas! Sometimes I wish I could be diagnosed with cancer so that I could see how pathetic I have been living. But then I think about those amazing people who have fought cancer and how much anger they have towards people like me who sit here and don't take advantage of life, especially when I know that I am doing exactly that.

If "tomorrow was a gift and [I] got eternity to think about what I'd do with it?"

Well you know what, I AM GOING TO MAKE SOME CHANGES. I am! I'm serious! Starting now! I'm going to wake up each day and smile and go out and love! Everyday! I'm going to make a difference in this world one day at a time! I'm going to volunteer, finish my homework without procrastinating, help my parents around the house more, be nicer to my brother, hang out with my friends, have sweet talks with people, touch some lives!!! Gosh darnit why not?!! There is no good reason not to! So I'm going to!

Who is going to do it with me!?

 Subscribe to be notified of my future writings!

Curiosity Is Killing Me

I'm quite curious: has anyone actually read the entire Deathbed post? I really hope that some of you have, but it seems that there would be at least 1 comment if that were the case lol. Tell me if you have, I want to know your thoughts, always! I don't write for myself! lol Oh and let me know if you read the Why Georgia post as well and your thoughts on it if you wish to talk about them.

 Subscribe to be notified of my future writings!

Why are you here?

Why Georgia - John Mayer
$.99

I am driving up eighty-five in the
kind of morning that lasts all afternoon..
I’m just stuck inside the gloom...

four more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive..
and leave it all behind...

'cause I wonder sometimes about the outcome
Of a still verdictless life..
am I living it right?
am I living it right?
am I living it right?
why, why Georgia, why?...

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
wood and places to make it feel like home..
but all I feel’s alone!

it might be a quarter life crisis
or just the stirring in my soul
either way

I wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life
am I living it right?
am I living it right?
am I living it right?
why, why Georgia, why?..

so what, so i’ve got a smile on.
it’s hiding the quiet superstitions in my head.

don’t believe me,
don’t believe me
when I say i’ve got it down...

everybody is just a stranger
but that’s the danger in going my own way!!
I guess it’s a price I have to pay..
still "everything happens for a reason"
is no reason not to ask myself if i am
living it right
am i living it right?
am i living it right?
why, tell me why, why, why Georgia, why?......



We all will see times like this, if we haven't already.
You can't quite put a finger on what you're doing wrong. The days pass and your searches for answers keep coming up empty. You feel a little depressed. You care about things less, ("I’m just stuck inside the gloom...") and you feel like you'll never escape your problems. It's like you wake up one dreary morning and you can't find enough reasons to pull yourself out of bed... ("the kind of morning that lasts all afternoon"[for a period of your life?]..) You want to be happy, or at least happier than you are now, but you just don't know what to do.

So maybe you make a decision, because you have to do something. You can't keep doing what you've been doing because it hasn't been working. You want a fresh start, so you take off down the coast, make some new friends, see some new places, try some new things ("I am tempted to keep the car in drive..and leave it all behind"). You try and start a new life, and you're kind of excited about it, but also nervous, unsure, about your future. You grab at everything you see that might help you be happier ("I rent a room and I fill the spaces withwood and places to make it feel like home..but all I feel’s alone!"). You probably don't feel a whole lot better. Do you feel worse, even? Maybe.

I think the changes have to happen inside of you before you change your surroundings. Sometimes it can works the other way around, but that's hard. You usually just end up having wasted time and effort, and you could be even worse off than before.

Now what? You've been running in circles, throwing yourself around. You've been trying to find a way out of your "quarter life crisis" and into better days: a brighter future, a happy future.

"I wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life"

What is your life about? "Verdict" means decision, so what decisions lead your life? What do you life for? What drives you? What will keep you and others happy? Better yet, how will you continue to grow happier? Have you figured this out yet? Go and see the world, but you'll never be truely happy until you know what you are living for.

"Am i living it right?
Am i living it right?
Am i living it right?"

Are you living to make yourself happy? What about other people, and God? You have to figure this out. You have to find out what you truely need in your life. Maybe you had it at one point, but let it go, or pushed it away. Maybe you didn't realize how valuable it was, or that you were even pushing it out of your life. Or maybe you haven't discovered it yet. Well it's out there. Go find it.

I was running some errands the other day and i was zoned out. This song was on the radio, and these lines brought me out of my daze:

"Don’t believe me,
Don’t believe me
when I say I’ve got it down."

It has happened to me before; it has happened to all of us. I've been in a total slump. Except, this time it didn't seem like i would ever recover. I pretended everything was alright. I almost had myself thinking it was. I smiled and laughed and had some fun ("so what, so I’ve got a smile on. It’s hiding the quiet superstitions in my head."). I fought myself on what to do. 'What am i doing right? What am i doing wrong? Maybe i should stop doing this, or start doing that, but why? Or why not?' I didn't focus on what i really needed to be happy.

"still 'everything happens for a reason'
is no reason not to ask myself if i am
living it right?"

Everything does happen for a reason. So what are you going to do about all of the thoughts running around inside your head? What will you make of it? Will you brush them off and keep on going? Will you ignore half of them and make more mistakes? Or will you do what is best? But how can you know what is best for you? How can you know if you are "living it right"?
Well, figure out what makes you happy.
No, figure out what keeps you happy.
No figure out how to continue to become happier.

 Subscribe to be notified of my future writings!

Don't do it alone.

Deathbed - Relient K
$1.94(11:05)





[Piano]

[Matthew Thiessen]
I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

The year is 1941
I was eight years old and far, far too young
To know that the stories of battles and glory
Was a tale a kind mother made up for her son

You see, dad was a traveling preacher
Teaching the words of the teacher
Mother had sworn he went off to the war
And died there with honor, somewhere on a beach there

But he left once to never return
Which taught me that I should unlearn
Whatever I thought a father should be
I abandoned that thought like he abandoned me

By '47, I was fourteen
I'd acquired a taste for liquor and nicotine
I smoked until I threw up, yet I still lit 'em up
For thirty more years, like a machine

So right there you have it
That one filthy habit
Is what got me where I am today

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end

I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things I'd do again

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

Got married on my twenty-first
Eight months before my wife would give birth
It's easier to be sure you love someone
When a father inquires with the barrel of a gun

The union was far from harmonious
No two people could've been more alone than us
The years would go by and she'd love someone else
And I'd realized I hadn't been loved yet myself

From there it's your typical spiel
Yeah, if life was a highway, I was drunk at the wheel
I was helping the loose ends all fall apart
Yeah, I swear I was destined to fail, and fail from the start

I bowled about six times a week
A bottle of Beam kept the memories from me
Our marriage had taken a 7–10 split
And along with my pride, the ex-wife took the kids

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end

I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things I'd do again

But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

I was so scared of Jesus but he sought me out
Like the cancer in my lungs it's killing me now
And I've given up hope on the days I have left
But I cling to the hope of my life in the next

Then Jesus showed up, said, "Before we go up
I thought that we might reminisce
See, one night in your life, when you turned out the lights
You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness

You cried wolf, the tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said 'What have I done?'
You loved that lamb with every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite

You said: 'Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day, please take me home with you'"

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end

I can hear you whisper to me
"It's time to leave
You'll never be lonely again"

But this was my deathbed
I died there alone
When I closed my eyes tonight
You carried me home

[Instrumental interlude]

[Jon Foreman]
I am the way
Follow me and take my hand
And I am the truth
Embrace me and you'll understand

And I am the life
And through me you'll live again

[Matthew Thiessen]
For I am love
I am love
I
I am love


No matter how unhappy, how unsatisfying your life has been, there is always hope. This song is so sad, but so happy. This guy’s dad left him and his mom for another life, and his mom couldn't even tell him the truth about it. She was living in a dream world of her own. She tried to pass that on to her son, and it nearly ruined his life. He discovered the truth, though. By the end of the song, he knew he wouldn't ever be happy without this thing he was always running away from.

As a teenager he tried to forget it all. Not just the father he never knew, everything. He forgot about school; he didn't care. He forgot about his friends; he didn't realize what he was losing. He forgot about himself. He forgot he only got one life on Earth. He made bad decisions ("I smoked until I threw up, yet I still lit 'em up"), and ended up getting his girlfriend pregnant("Eight months before my wife would give birth") and practically being forced to marry her("It's easier to be sure you love someone when a father inquires with the barrel of a gun").

The unhappy years passed, getting worse as his life wasted away. The marriage that never meant anything soon fell completely apart("The union was far from harmonious
No two people could've been more alone than us"), and then he did("Yeah, if life was a highway, I was drunk at the wheel. I was helping the loose ends all fall apart"). He developed an obsession with bowling and hard liquor, because he didn't know what else to do with himself. And all along he smoked and smoked and smoked, surrounding his already depressing gloom of a life with more gray, and then blamed it on everything else("i swear i was destined to fail, right from the start..").

By the time doctors found cancer in his lungs, he knew what he had done. He wasted his most precious gift from God, a life to do with what he pleased. Turns out he never took the time to realize just what would make him the happiest. Except, after it had all been said and done. He had "cried wolf" so many other times, but he never meant it("I was so scared of Jesus but he sought me out"). He had just heard from his friends that Jesus was the good one, that Jesus could solve everything. So every so often, when he was really at his worst, he mumbled a few things up to God and hoped some miracle happened the next day. He never meant it though. He didn't really want to know if God was there or not, he just wanted a way out of his current set of problems, but he regretted it by the end("Like the cancer in my lungs it's killing me now").

Finally, he hit rock bottom. He knew of nothing else that could bring him hope, happiness. After all, he had already tried everything. So he cried out one more time to who he'd never been let down by, but had let down all his life. Only this time, he meant it.

"You cried wolf, the tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said 'What have I done?'
You loved that lamb with every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite"

You said: 'Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day, please take me home with you'"

He knew he needed Jesus, nobody else had cared enough to help him("And I'd realized I hadn't been loved yet myself"). All his life he went without Him, and wasn't ever happy. His last cry wasn't enough to rewrite the past, but it was enough to open up a whole new future. God only wants us to love Him and acknowledge that He is indeed God. And he wants us to listen to the Jesus in our hearts, and use the sacrifice He made for us on the cross, to live loving lives and meet Him in Heaven.

Yeah, this time, he meant it. And guess who came to his rescue. I want to encourage anybody who hasn't quite given their heart over to Jesus's love, and asked God to forgive all that they have done to make Him, themselve,s and everyone around them sad. Just see if He's there. If you don't believe He will help, just call to Him and see. If you really want to know, you'll get your answer.

 Subscribe to be notified of my future writings!